Something is wrong

I do not know what about today is wrong, but I sense something wrong. I have written volumes in my Journal and I have scrolled through the past few year of your blogs. There are many that hurt. You told me all the answers were in the lyrics. Well baby not all of us understand them like you do. Sometimes you need to tell a person exactly what you are thinkin.

10/09/2009

Possibly one of the worst blogs. I know it is about me, kind of hard to miss. I do not know if that is how you feel still or if it was merely written in anger. I swear by God and Sunny Jesus I am slowly losing my mind over this issue it is harder and harder to focus every day. I do not know what to do, I do not know what to say.

I do not know what it was about today but my mind will not rest. Every second of this day I have felt the loss of you greater than any other day. Thank God I am not in school today for I would not have even gone. I look everywhere for solace but I can not find a shred of it anywhere. I do not ask for sympathy I do not ask for anything. I write merely because I must have an outlet. Somewhere. Someone to hear me. I spend nearly every day alone. As time passes I find less and less distractions are able to keep you from my thoughts.

Today every second has passed with my mind focused on you. Every second passed was torment. Every second passing causes an ever increasing struggle. I would do damn near anything just to hear your voice these days.

Why even now do I feel this way. I can not stop my limbs from shaking. I always have to be moving.

10/09/2009 you asked me then to leave you be. Well, it took time it seems but you got your wish.

I am so sorry I caused you so much pain. I am sorry I criticized every smal thing. He treated you right. He has always done right by you. You are right. Least now, I can no longer tear you down.