For the past few days I have been loving the idea of summer. The past few days I have also spent the majority of my time in my bed catching up on the many sleepless nights before it. I think of her everyday and long for her touch every day. As I have said before, the moment, and I mean the moment I wake I hear her name and the last thing I hear before I sleep is her name.
Suffice to say things are never easy when your heart yearns for what it does not have. That does not mean that it can not have it. No matter what struggles in life may occur, we are the masters of our fate. Our fate is but what we make. No matter what life throws at us we must always remember it is our choices that lead us down the road we are on. It is our choices that decide who we are under pressure and in love. We can blame our actions on the circumstances at hand but in the end they are our choices to make and belong to no one else. Thus when times are hard we must always remember that if we do not like the circumstances that we are in, we always have the power to change them.
I made a promise to the one I love most in this world. Regardless of what has done in the past. Should you be reading this I pray you listen true.
Darlin, I love you with all that I am. I miss you terribly. Life as I have known it has been a mere shadow of the life that you had shown to me. I shall never forget you. I love you with every fiber of my being. I made a promise to you that I would never try to contact you and so far I have done just that and will continue to do so. I do not know if you feel like you have anything to be sorry for but if you do, banish those thoughts from your mind for you have nothing to be sorry for.
Remember you must always follow your heart. You are the master of your fate. You always have a choice and you must never forget that. I do not know where you are I do not know what you are doing and I do not know who you are with. None of these things matter. Make sure you are happy and in love, that is all that matters to me. I am willing still, to do anything and everything you desire. Is that a stupid thing to admit even now? Perhaps but we are all fools when in love. I pray some day you come back, that you have the true desire to be with me but that is something you will have to decide for yourself. You have always known what it would take to be with me and you know what you must do even know to make it happen.
If I am ever to truly let you go it will happen through the natural course of time when my heart tells me to do so then it shall be done. But being as I have learned to listen to my heart and not fight it I will continue to listen to my heart. For once you get your heart speaking to you it is mighty difficult to turn away.
For even now my heart yearns for thee. I have no understanding of this except that I do know without a fault that I love you and wish to be with you. We have braved so many storms together and know each other it would seem, more than we know ourselves.
Should you ever need me, you know where I am. I will not give up, my heart will not allow it. Remember the past is just that the past. Things done in the past can not be changed or altered. They are things that we must live with but never let those things of the past hinder or cloud our ability to create a new future. For while the past may be an indicator of the future, it is not the future.
Opportunities missed may trouble the heart, but we must always remember that there are more opportunities in this world for us. We must always look for those signs and when the time comes move towards it, our goal, our desire.
-
Simply put, I love you. I want you. I will wait because I know no other way and my heart refuses to let go. When the omens tell me that my treasure is gone forever then they will guide me to a new pastures. Until then the omens beg me to stay strong. I will dare not disobey the signs of God.
Stay strong, be well. Find happiness and love. If you are not happy and are not in love remember, you are the master of your fate.
- Gerry
P.S: I love you
Friday, April 30, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Contact info:
Sorry keep forgetting to tell you Kyle so here is my messaging info
LuckieSleven used for msn, yahoo, ect.
WoW: Winterhoof; Czarkin is my main
LuckieSleven used for msn, yahoo, ect.
WoW: Winterhoof; Czarkin is my main
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Moments in time
Just as the title says everyone has their moments. Moments of pain, moments of joy, moments of all sorts. As we progress through this existence we call life, each person has moments which define them. These moments in time help shape the fabric of what this person's reality is and affect the decisions later on in that person's life.
Everyone is going through something. The only question is what is it. Might thoughts and feelings do not change. I wait. I do not even know what I am waiting for, but I still wait.
"the heart knows what the mind does not" - not a clue
I am seeking what we all want in life. A true connection with another human being. We continue to put ourselves out on that line time after time only to be struck down time and time again. While many give up others persevere through troubled times such as these. They fight through the pain of loss and come out transformed into something better than they were before armed with the knowledge of the past.
Wars rage within the hearts of men and women. This is simply what we do, but if we are ever to find peace with ourselves we must find within ourselves what we really want. Define it. Then do whatever it takes to achieve it.
Lord knows I have found out the hard way of a multitude of actions that are and are not acceptable and among the actions learned even fewer that will yield the results I desire. Experience is the ultimate teacher, inspiring wisdom through the continued use of knowledge learned throughout life.
Every day I wake up thinking of one person. Every night I go to sleep thinking of one person. Lord only knows I will never be able to seek her out, tell her how much I love her, among so many other things. Interestingly enough though, it was the seeking that caused so many problems to begin with. Constantly trying to get the answer every moment of every day. While persistence to a degree is heartening, and flattering to say the least everything has it's limit. Thus I have learned one mighty important lesson at least. Do not rush my friends.
I wait. I must develop my patience to an extent that I have no true understanding. Certain things in life must be sought out, but when it comes to matters of the heart, no man can rush such things. The day will come when the woman is not only willing but able to find me as well will things ever come to pass.
Particular I may be, never the less I know what I want and will not settle for anything less.
The heart is not something that can be earned or achieved such as some trophy. It is something that must be given freely and completely without complexities or pride. Love is enough and that is all my heart craves. There are many things I miss, naturally. I often find myself using every means of distraction in order to quell the turmoil that churns within my mind. World of Warcraft for instance is one method of passing the time. When things become to great working out the body to pure exhaustion is rather effective as well.
The end of the day a person has nothing but their thoughts to keep them warm in the night, and this is not always such a reassuring means to an end.
-
If nothing else I hope and pray happiness for the one I love remains absolute. I pray every night for her happiness and her safety. Perhaps some day my love will find me. I hope and pray for that day. Maybe some day, that moment in time will be realized. That moment she will know...that moment I will know, that moment...the universe will cry out in joy because the soul of the universe will bathe in the love of the soul-mates.
Until that day I hold my head up high. I smile and think of her smile. I feel the warmth of her arms around me. I feel the beating of her heart within my chest.
Some day... I will cherish forever that moment in time.
-Sleven
P.S: I love you
Everyone is going through something. The only question is what is it. Might thoughts and feelings do not change. I wait. I do not even know what I am waiting for, but I still wait.
"the heart knows what the mind does not" - not a clue
I am seeking what we all want in life. A true connection with another human being. We continue to put ourselves out on that line time after time only to be struck down time and time again. While many give up others persevere through troubled times such as these. They fight through the pain of loss and come out transformed into something better than they were before armed with the knowledge of the past.
Wars rage within the hearts of men and women. This is simply what we do, but if we are ever to find peace with ourselves we must find within ourselves what we really want. Define it. Then do whatever it takes to achieve it.
Lord knows I have found out the hard way of a multitude of actions that are and are not acceptable and among the actions learned even fewer that will yield the results I desire. Experience is the ultimate teacher, inspiring wisdom through the continued use of knowledge learned throughout life.
Every day I wake up thinking of one person. Every night I go to sleep thinking of one person. Lord only knows I will never be able to seek her out, tell her how much I love her, among so many other things. Interestingly enough though, it was the seeking that caused so many problems to begin with. Constantly trying to get the answer every moment of every day. While persistence to a degree is heartening, and flattering to say the least everything has it's limit. Thus I have learned one mighty important lesson at least. Do not rush my friends.
I wait. I must develop my patience to an extent that I have no true understanding. Certain things in life must be sought out, but when it comes to matters of the heart, no man can rush such things. The day will come when the woman is not only willing but able to find me as well will things ever come to pass.
Particular I may be, never the less I know what I want and will not settle for anything less.
The heart is not something that can be earned or achieved such as some trophy. It is something that must be given freely and completely without complexities or pride. Love is enough and that is all my heart craves. There are many things I miss, naturally. I often find myself using every means of distraction in order to quell the turmoil that churns within my mind. World of Warcraft for instance is one method of passing the time. When things become to great working out the body to pure exhaustion is rather effective as well.
The end of the day a person has nothing but their thoughts to keep them warm in the night, and this is not always such a reassuring means to an end.
-
If nothing else I hope and pray happiness for the one I love remains absolute. I pray every night for her happiness and her safety. Perhaps some day my love will find me. I hope and pray for that day. Maybe some day, that moment in time will be realized. That moment she will know...that moment I will know, that moment...the universe will cry out in joy because the soul of the universe will bathe in the love of the soul-mates.
Until that day I hold my head up high. I smile and think of her smile. I feel the warmth of her arms around me. I feel the beating of her heart within my chest.
Some day... I will cherish forever that moment in time.
-Sleven
P.S: I love you
Comatose - Skillet
I hate feeling like this
I’m so tired of trying to fight this
I’m asleep and all I dream of
Is waking to you
Tell me that you will listen
Your touch is what I’m missing
And the more I hide I realize I’m slowly losing you
Comatose
I’ll never wake up without an overdose of you
CHORUS:
I don’t wanna live, I don’t wanna breathe
‘les I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
I don’t wanna sleep , I don’t wanna dream
‘cause my dreams don’t comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
I hate living without you
Dead wrong to ever doubt you
But my demons lay in waiting
Tempting me away
Oh how I adore you
Oh how I thirst for you
Oh how I need you
Comatose
I’ll never wake up without an overdose of you
CHORUS
Breathing life
Waking up
My eyes open up
Comatose
I’ll never wake up without an overdose of you
CHORUS
Oh how I adore you
Waking up to you never felt so real
Oh how I thirst for you
Waking up to you never felt so real
Oh how I adore you
Oh
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
I’m so tired of trying to fight this
I’m asleep and all I dream of
Is waking to you
Tell me that you will listen
Your touch is what I’m missing
And the more I hide I realize I’m slowly losing you
Comatose
I’ll never wake up without an overdose of you
CHORUS:
I don’t wanna live, I don’t wanna breathe
‘les I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
I don’t wanna sleep , I don’t wanna dream
‘cause my dreams don’t comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
I hate living without you
Dead wrong to ever doubt you
But my demons lay in waiting
Tempting me away
Oh how I adore you
Oh how I thirst for you
Oh how I need you
Comatose
I’ll never wake up without an overdose of you
CHORUS
Breathing life
Waking up
My eyes open up
Comatose
I’ll never wake up without an overdose of you
CHORUS
Oh how I adore you
Waking up to you never felt so real
Oh how I thirst for you
Waking up to you never felt so real
Oh how I adore you
Oh
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
Out of the rolling ocean the crowd
Out of the rolling ocean the crowd came a drop gently to me,
whispering I love you, before long I die,
I have travel'd a long way merely to look on you to touch you,
For I could not die till I once look'd on you,
For I fear'd I might afterward lose you.
Now look we have met, we have look'd, we are safe,
Return in peace to the ocean my love,
I am too part of that ocean my love, we are not so much separated,
Behold the great rondure, the cohesion of all, how perfect!
But as for me, For you, the irresistible sea is to separate us,
As long for an hour carrying us diverse, yet cannot carry us diverse forever;
Be no impatient - a little space - know you I salute the air, the ocean and the land,
Every day at sundown for your dear sake my love
-Walt Whitman
whispering I love you, before long I die,
I have travel'd a long way merely to look on you to touch you,
For I could not die till I once look'd on you,
For I fear'd I might afterward lose you.
Now look we have met, we have look'd, we are safe,
Return in peace to the ocean my love,
I am too part of that ocean my love, we are not so much separated,
Behold the great rondure, the cohesion of all, how perfect!
But as for me, For you, the irresistible sea is to separate us,
As long for an hour carrying us diverse, yet cannot carry us diverse forever;
Be no impatient - a little space - know you I salute the air, the ocean and the land,
Every day at sundown for your dear sake my love
-Walt Whitman
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Diamond in the rough
Alright I am not exactly sure what to think anymore but I am convinced that something is in the works. The signs are all around me. The most frustrating thing is I am uncertain as to what they are.
Anyone who knows me knows I love movies to death and I tend to drift towards certain ones when times are rough. One movie I will only ever watch with a certain someone. One of my favorites to watch though is The Notebook. I for some reason have a partialness to that along with what dreams may come. I know I am capable of such things. In any case I have decided not to look for anything anymore. I by no means am ready for any type of relationship even though I would love one. All I know for sure is I want my holly back, the diamond in the rough, which takes years to cultivate and once done so such beauty radiates through the cosmos.
Baby, wherever you are, all I can say is if you are a bird I am a bird. If you think of writing from the time you get up to the time you sleep you are a writer, if you can only think of video games from the time you wake till the time you sleep you are a gamer, if you can only think about one woman night and day from the time you wake up from the time you slumber you are in love and such a lover.
This is not a feeling I ever expected to have so soon in my life and this is a bond that will last and last like that energizer bunny from hell. Tears me apart finding a unicorn only to have the thing disappear into the realm of the surreal but that is what seems to have happened for now. This girl is always elusive as a fox impossible to catch. Someday I hope I will find my foxy lady but in the mean time I guess I will have to wait as I have always done except with this time a renewed sense of hope. Hope that I see her again. All I know is that I have searched long and hard for someone to love when one fell in my lap.
At the time I had no idea what I was doing. I had complete lack of experience and was willing to learn. While I am adept at learning things quickly, not all things are so. I lost what was most precious to me and hope some day to get it back.
This time I'll sit and wait. I know what I want in my life, even though the path seems so foggy right now. I rarely seem to understand people and what they say though I try my hardest.
All I know right now is I am waiting.
I will wait.
Have I changed? I do not believe so, some think I have; others think as I.
I write in my own journal frequent enough to realize, after a even only a quick glance, the passion within the pages.
"I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."
~Pablo Neruda
All I know is that the day I told you this; to this day I feel this magnified by each passing moment. Many understand such emotion but only those who have gone through the trials and tribulations of love. I have my highs and my lows always attempting to catch some sense of balance only to be knocked back down by a memory.
I love, I do not know from where, how or why, but I do. And that is all I know for sure.
Time apart has thought me things. I read over and over "how to win friends and influence people" a certain book in which I am always attempting to apply the principles within. I fail, as all people do, but I keep trying and everyday I make progress. I do make progress and of this I am proud.
Again I address the one whom I love with all my heart and soul. I do not know where you are, of you think, or even how you feel. It breaks my heart to be away from you so and I think about you all the time. I want you badly and as said before would do anything and everything for you. Even if that means letting you go that is what I will have to come to terms with. Know there is always a place for you in my life should you choose it. I want you and I always will. Love needs a fighting chance and we sometimes need to give it a nudge and chip in to help. I hope you come back, after finding whatever it is you need. Should you not I understand. No matter what you do be happy. Stay true to yourself and to the ones you love. Follow your heart, it will never lead you astray. Always listen to your heart why? Once you have heard it once you can never keep it quiet again. :)
I am curious though, took Alli 7 years, wonder how long it will take my baby to find her way. :)
Would be awful nice to have a map right about now...
~Sleven
P.S. I love you
Anyone who knows me knows I love movies to death and I tend to drift towards certain ones when times are rough. One movie I will only ever watch with a certain someone. One of my favorites to watch though is The Notebook. I for some reason have a partialness to that along with what dreams may come. I know I am capable of such things. In any case I have decided not to look for anything anymore. I by no means am ready for any type of relationship even though I would love one. All I know for sure is I want my holly back, the diamond in the rough, which takes years to cultivate and once done so such beauty radiates through the cosmos.
Baby, wherever you are, all I can say is if you are a bird I am a bird. If you think of writing from the time you get up to the time you sleep you are a writer, if you can only think of video games from the time you wake till the time you sleep you are a gamer, if you can only think about one woman night and day from the time you wake up from the time you slumber you are in love and such a lover.
This is not a feeling I ever expected to have so soon in my life and this is a bond that will last and last like that energizer bunny from hell. Tears me apart finding a unicorn only to have the thing disappear into the realm of the surreal but that is what seems to have happened for now. This girl is always elusive as a fox impossible to catch. Someday I hope I will find my foxy lady but in the mean time I guess I will have to wait as I have always done except with this time a renewed sense of hope. Hope that I see her again. All I know is that I have searched long and hard for someone to love when one fell in my lap.
At the time I had no idea what I was doing. I had complete lack of experience and was willing to learn. While I am adept at learning things quickly, not all things are so. I lost what was most precious to me and hope some day to get it back.
This time I'll sit and wait. I know what I want in my life, even though the path seems so foggy right now. I rarely seem to understand people and what they say though I try my hardest.
All I know right now is I am waiting.
I will wait.
Have I changed? I do not believe so, some think I have; others think as I.
I write in my own journal frequent enough to realize, after a even only a quick glance, the passion within the pages.
"I do not love you as if you were a salt rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."
~Pablo Neruda
All I know is that the day I told you this; to this day I feel this magnified by each passing moment. Many understand such emotion but only those who have gone through the trials and tribulations of love. I have my highs and my lows always attempting to catch some sense of balance only to be knocked back down by a memory.
I love, I do not know from where, how or why, but I do. And that is all I know for sure.
Time apart has thought me things. I read over and over "how to win friends and influence people" a certain book in which I am always attempting to apply the principles within. I fail, as all people do, but I keep trying and everyday I make progress. I do make progress and of this I am proud.
Again I address the one whom I love with all my heart and soul. I do not know where you are, of you think, or even how you feel. It breaks my heart to be away from you so and I think about you all the time. I want you badly and as said before would do anything and everything for you. Even if that means letting you go that is what I will have to come to terms with. Know there is always a place for you in my life should you choose it. I want you and I always will. Love needs a fighting chance and we sometimes need to give it a nudge and chip in to help. I hope you come back, after finding whatever it is you need. Should you not I understand. No matter what you do be happy. Stay true to yourself and to the ones you love. Follow your heart, it will never lead you astray. Always listen to your heart why? Once you have heard it once you can never keep it quiet again. :)
I am curious though, took Alli 7 years, wonder how long it will take my baby to find her way. :)
Would be awful nice to have a map right about now...
~Sleven
P.S. I love you
Monday, April 12, 2010
P.S. (I'm Still Not Over You) - Rihanna
[verse 1]
Whats up?
I know we haven't spoken for a while
But I was thinkin bout you
And it kinda made me smile
So many things to say
And I'll put em in a letter
And it might be easier
The words might come out better
How's your mother, how's your little brother?
Does he still look just like you?
So many things I wanna know the answers to
Wish I could press rewind
And rewrite every line
To the story of me and you
[chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you
[verse 2]
Excuse me, I really didn't mean to ramble on
But there's a lot of feelings that still remain after you were gone
I guess you thought that I would put it all behind me
But it seems there's always somethin right there to remind me
Like a silly joke, or somethin on the t.v.
Boy it aint easy
When I hear our song
I get that same old feeling
Wish I could press rewind
Turn back the hands of time
And I shouldn't be telling you
[chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you
Did you know I kept all of your pictures
Don't have the strength to part with them yet
Oh no....
Tried to erase the way your kisses taste
But some things a girl can never forget
[chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you
Whats up?
I know we haven't spoken for a while
But I was thinkin bout you
And it kinda made me smile
So many things to say
And I'll put em in a letter
And it might be easier
The words might come out better
How's your mother, how's your little brother?
Does he still look just like you?
So many things I wanna know the answers to
Wish I could press rewind
And rewrite every line
To the story of me and you
[chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you
[verse 2]
Excuse me, I really didn't mean to ramble on
But there's a lot of feelings that still remain after you were gone
I guess you thought that I would put it all behind me
But it seems there's always somethin right there to remind me
Like a silly joke, or somethin on the t.v.
Boy it aint easy
When I hear our song
I get that same old feeling
Wish I could press rewind
Turn back the hands of time
And I shouldn't be telling you
[chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you
Did you know I kept all of your pictures
Don't have the strength to part with them yet
Oh no....
Tried to erase the way your kisses taste
But some things a girl can never forget
[chorus]
Don't you know I've tried and I've tried
To get you out my mind
But it don't get no better
As each day goes by
And I'm lost and confused
I've got nothin to lose
Hope to hear from you soon
P.S. I'm still not over you
Still not over you
Sunday, April 11, 2010
I found a picture of you today...
Life simply does not make sense, lord knows not everything is supposed to but overall I think that it should.
Ever since the day you left I have seen ever increasing signs that speak to me of your name. Songs that remind me of you, I change the station yet another song of something that again reminds me of you. It has gotten so bad that I have had to turn off the radio. Requently my iPod would also play songs that reminded me of you and thus had to remove them from the library.
Many restless nights have gone by and I hear your voice on the wind. There is not a moment that goes by that you are not on my mind. No matter how hard I push the thought of you away you still show up in the back of my mind. Things have gotten so bad that I can not even push you from my dreams anymore.
Will I ever see you again? I do not know. Right now I can't say that I want to. My heart yearns for what it can not have and breaks at every agonizing thought. No matter what I do or what I say, you are always within my heart. I do not understand why I still care this much. Two months have passed and not a word. I know you are gone for heaven's sake you have chosen another over I and yet my heart has yet to realize that no matter how badly we may want something that does not mean we shall ever get it no matter how hard we work towards our goal.
Lord knows I am not mad at you. I can not even begin to understand this. I am not mad. I want to be. I am not and can not muster up the emotion. My heart pleads for your happiness. You are the drug my veins crave. Always the first thing I think of every morning, even now, and still the last thing I think of before I go to sleep.
As I have told many I hope you are happy for two reasons. One, that you are happy because your happiness is of the utmost importance. Two, if you are happy then you will never try to find me again. You will never want me to see you again and...
Last friday I went for a bike ride and was so happy to see just the simple things in life. Then as I was passing a playground I saw so many children there with their parents and it got me thinking. Every day that thought crosses my mind in one way shape or form. Some days I am able to push through it others I have to bury my mind in some type of vice. Working out, sleeping, reading, something to break the train of thought that always leads me into insanity.
Why do I still feel this way.
I found pictures of you today. I thought I had deleted all of them. Amusingly enough I still remember them even though they have been deleted. Alas I did not get them all. I found on my wii numerous pictures of you. I couldn't help but stare and cycle through them.
I love you so much. I miss you so much. I can't let go no matter how hard I try. I would give anything to make you happy even still. I do not understand why. I hear we are all fools in love. I never understood that but I know what it means.
...I may no longer be on your mind but you are forever on mine. I pray every day for your happiness. May God always watch over you and keep you safe. May you always be happy. I'm trying but even as I sit, I wish you were here and I do not understand. We all have our moments and lord knows I have mine more than most lately. I have no regrets I really don't. I knew even at the beginning of january I would lose you. I am happy for the time I spent with you and thankful for the lessons I have learned. I just wish they had not been instilled so painfully.
I hope you have children soon. I know how badly you want them. You will be a marvelous mother. yes you will...
"May the wind always be at your back, the sun upon your face, and the wings of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the moon, and should you miss never fear, for even though you are not on the moon you are among the stars"
I love you Holly so much. I hope and pray you live well.
~Sleven
sometimes love needs a fighting chance... so i'll wait my turn until it's our turn to dance.
question is, who to and when.
PS: I love you
Ever since the day you left I have seen ever increasing signs that speak to me of your name. Songs that remind me of you, I change the station yet another song of something that again reminds me of you. It has gotten so bad that I have had to turn off the radio. Requently my iPod would also play songs that reminded me of you and thus had to remove them from the library.
Many restless nights have gone by and I hear your voice on the wind. There is not a moment that goes by that you are not on my mind. No matter how hard I push the thought of you away you still show up in the back of my mind. Things have gotten so bad that I can not even push you from my dreams anymore.
Will I ever see you again? I do not know. Right now I can't say that I want to. My heart yearns for what it can not have and breaks at every agonizing thought. No matter what I do or what I say, you are always within my heart. I do not understand why I still care this much. Two months have passed and not a word. I know you are gone for heaven's sake you have chosen another over I and yet my heart has yet to realize that no matter how badly we may want something that does not mean we shall ever get it no matter how hard we work towards our goal.
Lord knows I am not mad at you. I can not even begin to understand this. I am not mad. I want to be. I am not and can not muster up the emotion. My heart pleads for your happiness. You are the drug my veins crave. Always the first thing I think of every morning, even now, and still the last thing I think of before I go to sleep.
As I have told many I hope you are happy for two reasons. One, that you are happy because your happiness is of the utmost importance. Two, if you are happy then you will never try to find me again. You will never want me to see you again and...
Last friday I went for a bike ride and was so happy to see just the simple things in life. Then as I was passing a playground I saw so many children there with their parents and it got me thinking. Every day that thought crosses my mind in one way shape or form. Some days I am able to push through it others I have to bury my mind in some type of vice. Working out, sleeping, reading, something to break the train of thought that always leads me into insanity.
Why do I still feel this way.
I found pictures of you today. I thought I had deleted all of them. Amusingly enough I still remember them even though they have been deleted. Alas I did not get them all. I found on my wii numerous pictures of you. I couldn't help but stare and cycle through them.
I love you so much. I miss you so much. I can't let go no matter how hard I try. I would give anything to make you happy even still. I do not understand why. I hear we are all fools in love. I never understood that but I know what it means.
...I may no longer be on your mind but you are forever on mine. I pray every day for your happiness. May God always watch over you and keep you safe. May you always be happy. I'm trying but even as I sit, I wish you were here and I do not understand. We all have our moments and lord knows I have mine more than most lately. I have no regrets I really don't. I knew even at the beginning of january I would lose you. I am happy for the time I spent with you and thankful for the lessons I have learned. I just wish they had not been instilled so painfully.
I hope you have children soon. I know how badly you want them. You will be a marvelous mother. yes you will...
"May the wind always be at your back, the sun upon your face, and the wings of destiny carry you aloft to dance with the moon, and should you miss never fear, for even though you are not on the moon you are among the stars"
I love you Holly so much. I hope and pray you live well.
~Sleven
sometimes love needs a fighting chance... so i'll wait my turn until it's our turn to dance.
question is, who to and when.
PS: I love you
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