The times...

I am not sure what is going on lately. I pray to God everyday for strength. Everyone has their moments... I just seem to have so many lately.

I do not understand why things work the way they do and I have come, in part at least, to not care how or why they operate. I just have to focus on what has occurred. Many of my friends know that when I am alone I tend to think to much. I go over the way things are the way things have been and the ways I want things to go and you realize after a time that nothing ever goes exactly the way you want it to. Such is a fact of life and we are all slaves to it.

I am grateful for the friends that I have. They have given me so many good and wonderful things. Just the fact that someone is there to hang out with and to mess around with means all the difference in the world. My distractions are not strong enough to occupy my mind any longer. I fear that the lasting slump either is already in place or is soon coming and I am doing whatever I can think of to fight it off. Though this feeling is such a paralyzing agent.

I listen to so many different songs. Trying to drown out the issues of my recent past. Sadly enough they are always there, like a splinter in your mind.

Everything takes time to work though and I suppose this is no different. I am doing much better than I was not too long ago but the pain is still there.

I can handle just about any type of stress thrown my way but when it comes to a relationship I have poured myself completely into... I got nothing.

One extreme comfort is to think of the future when I finally have found that person and I can give that woman anything and everything she ever wanted...

We fight over stupid things and at the end, she smiles a smile so big. As do I... knowing that the fight is stupid in comparison to what we mean to each other.

Romantic nights of watching TV in the bed. Studying in the same room just to be close to the other because without their presence something in the world is off...

Every time I think of something like that it makes me smile. Makes me smile to know that my baby is out there somewhere. I do not know her name, I do not know what she looks like, I do not know her past and and know nothing about her. But I love her more than anything in this world. She makes me smile just thinking about her and I can not wait to do whatever it takes to see my baby again.

I love you and I do not know your given name... though I know your real name.. ;-) I know your real name for it is imprinted on my heart and my heart knows who you are without me knowing how from where or why. Though in the coldest of winters night that gives me hope but does not give me warmth.

I long for the loving embrace only my love can bring me...

I hope and wait for you my beautiful, MY beautiful....My everything... the person who makes the world finally make sense...

I await my unicorn. She is out there and can not wait to meet her. I love you precious where are you baby girl...where are you...